Bllrrrrt! Blrrt! Cruuncchh!

I jolted awake. My eyes sprang open, and I scanned my lake house bedroom. An apparent power outage obliterated all lighting, leaving me shrouded in darkness. My heart raced, and I struggled to determine the source of the noise that jarred me from my slumber.

I reached down and patted the bed to gain my bearings. I turned my head and listened with a keen ear, but was met with dead silence—no white noise, no whooshing ceiling fan, and no humming air purifier. The eerie quietness made my skin crawl.

Bllrrrrt! Crruncchhh! Crrrunch!

Shit! There it goes again, I thought.

I slipped my feet from under the covers, then eased my body out of bed and stepped with caution to avoid making a sound.

I turned the knob and slowly opened the bedroom door. My jaw ached from clenching my teeth.

Blllllllrrrrt! Crrrrruncchh! Crrrunch!

The sound made my heart skip a beat as I realized someone was inside my house.

I recalled the previous evening’s news, which reported on a local resident—who was murdered after an intruder broke into their lakeside home.

I reached into the top drawer of my dresser and retrieved a knife and a flashlight, then made my way into the hallway.

The flooring made a slight creak as I rounded the corner to my dimly lit family room. I craned my neck to peer into the room and was horrified to find an intruder seated in a chair.

I shone the flashlight into their face, and my jaw dropped.

The intruder then released another bout of flatulence, which reverberated off the leather chair, then popped a handful of corn nuts into their mouth.

“Grandma! What’re you doing here?”

She giggled. “Oops, pardon me.” She sat up. “I wanted to surprise you!”